Walking The Dog

I gave up My dogs. I moved into a new house just over a year ago, and because I am the only one who would take them outside, play with them, and most important…. clean up after them…. when we moved here, we decided… (I DECIDED) that the dogs needed a home with people who could spend the entire waking day tending to the needs of the dogs.
Dogs need exercise, and the ones we had needed a LOT of exercise. That of course meant that they ate a lot, drank a lot, and eliminated…. A LOT.
I didnt mind spending almost as much money on dog food as I spent to feed half the country of Ethiopia each day… or half of the national debt just for dog food and toys. And of course there was the waste they created that had to be picked up. I did mind having to pick up 4200 pounds of dog poop each week… I did mind it very much so. But at least when I did it… it got DONE!
I would often take the dogs out for walks through the old neighborhood, always carrying the keys to the front loader and a dump truck in case the dogs decided to bury someone’s car with one of their legendary movements… I was prepared to clean up after the dogs if they left a monument to their visit. Now one would expect that all pet owners have that same interest in mind… leave no trace, poop, pile, or monuments. Nothing I despise more than when I am cutting MY lawn, and step into a steaming mound of dog crap. Or perhaps its a petrified piece of dog history left ages ago by some egyptian kings sacred dog…. nahhh its the damn ignorant neighbor who cant pick up the pile the ignorant neighbors dog left. Its no wonder they walk their dogs in the neighborhood…. they can leave a present just like a fruit cake… it smells bad, and no one wants to claim it. They are the most ignorant selfish pigs Ive ever come in contact with. Unfortunately… I havent caught them at it yet. They leave their little steaming present on My nicely cut lawn… killing My grass, and saving them the trouble of picking up the dog crap in their own yard. I know I will be able to identify them though… they will have fantastic lawns… even though they have a dog…. its then that I will make a mental note to watch for the dog they own crapping on MY lawn.
Im tempted to post a sign “DO NOT WALK YOUR DOG ON MY LAWN… OR I WILL BE FORCED TO WALK MY PET ELEPHANT ON YOURS.” Im sure it would get a few chuckles as those who walk their dogs on My lawn stand and wait for fido to do its job and leave its mark. I have even considered leaving a sign outside with a supply of bags… a sign saying “Here.. the bag is on the house… no reason to not take it with you now” I know it wont help either. The rules of the homeowners association clearly state that you MUST pick up after your dog… but those who let their dog crap on MY lawn.. must either think they are letting the dog crap on “the parkway which is owned by the city” or that they own My lawn too and since MY lawn is taken care of by ME… they can let the dog go there and I will take care of it for them. When I do identify the dog and owner who keeps leaving these little logs on My property… I will neatly package it up, set it kindly on their front step… and light it on fire… let them come out and stomp out the fire… if it happens a second time after that… I will bring it to the offending homeowners front porch… and smear it on the sidewalk…. if they want to leave it in My lawn where I walk… I will leave it on their sidewalk where they walk. I have already busted one neighbor and his husky. I gave him his dogs crap neatly packaged in a plastic bag… slammed in his hand so he too could feel the warm smoosh of something he should have taken with him in the first place. Needless to say… he wasnt too happy… well hell… neither was I!! I havent seen him walk his dog here since, but there is no guarantee that he hasnt since, but I am keeping watch.
I dont understand why people who own animals are so damn ignorant. I wasnt like that, I picked up all of the dogs crap when I walked them. Some people are just inconsiderate asses… and it seems more than a fair share live here near by Me.
Well… I feel better now that Ive had My rant… Im off to work on My dog poop catapult… Im convinced I can launch the offending piles back to the rightful owners from the comfort of My patio….

wish Me luck… My aim might be off for a little

peace

MJ